In His View
by darthstardragon
Summary: A hidden past, a story not fully told to everyone. Shepard's past weighs on his choices. Can he become the man everyone knows he can be?


_Gunfire rained down above his head. Scared colonists huddled behind makeshift barriers of tables and bars pushed into better defensible position. Seeing that their ammo was getting dangerously low, he looked up and made eye contact with the brave colonists. They nodded, ready to lay down defensive fire for him. He took a deep breath and help up three fingers. The countdown began, and on one, the only thought that ran through his head was, "Why today?"_

_ He jumped out from his position behind an overturned table and charged the nearest enemy position. The cover fire from the colonists provided enough time in their distraction to allow him to get the jump on the batarian pirates closest to them. Conserving his remaining ammo, he used the butt of his Terminator III on several heads, knocking them unconscious and allowing him to raid their ammo and weapon cases. Holding as much as he could, he sprinted back to the defensible barriers. Passing out the clips and guns, he yelled, "Reinforcements are on their way! Don't let their numbers deter you! Fight for your families! Keep your faith in each other!"_

_ Rally cries shouted around him, but soon his short speeches were useless. The pirates, slavers, and warlords were pushing harder, and they were forced back towards the main colony several times. Soon they were just thirty yards from the borders that marked the outside of the colony, and barriers were becoming scarce. With his group's numbers depleting faster as they got closer to the colony, he ran to the nearest allies and began firing at every enemy that was in his visible line of sight. As he continued to fire, he called to his allies. "Fall back. Your families need you. I'll stay and hold them off. Radio Alliance Control once you've gotten to safety, and tell them Lieutenant Shepard, service number 5923-AC-2826, is requesting immediate support. Mayday, repeat mayday. Understood?"_

_ The nervous colonists glanced at the battle, at the unwavering enemy numbers that stood before him, before nodding. They quickly gathered each other and ran back to the main colony, to their families, and he allowed one more glance at them before turning his attention back to his enemy. It was going to be one hell of a fight._

"What happened next?" Dr. Morris asked.

Shepard breathed in deep and looked up. "The fighting continued for another two hours, and Alliance reinforcements arrived as it looked the hope in the remaining colonists and soldiers was about to be depleted. The enemy broke ranks afterwards, and we were able to capture a few of their crime lords, who in turn gave us information to their batarian financiers."

"Amazing. What about you?" Morris pressed.

"I had been shot in the arm, bruises covered my torso, and my bionics were dangerously low from overuse. They regarded me as a hero, awarded me the Star of Terra for my bravery," Shepard replied, his voice starting to fade.

"What is it, John?" Morris asked. "You sound like you aren't convinced with your own story."

Shepard slowly rubbed his close shaved head, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. "We lost so many people that day, and many were colonists. They were the brave ones; they should have been recognized individually for their bravery. Instead their names were just placed on a memorial, their families were filled with the agony of losing a loved one, and the only memories they have of those loved ones is a paycheck every month as compensation."

"John, I know it's hard, but it was not your fault. You couldn't have stopped those pirates and warlords from attacking that colony. You gave your best, and by living, you honor those colonists' memories. It won't be easy, but it is necessary. You're a hero, John. You were given the Star of Terra. People are going to look up to you. You need to move on; that battle's seven year anniversary is coming up. You've been coming here for six years. Have you even thought about returning to duty?" Morris asked.

"Mom's pushed for it. If Dad and Alex were still around, then they would be too. I just need time, Morris," Shepard replied, standing up. "Time's up for today. I have to get going. I'll schedule another appointment later."

Shepard left without another word.

Returning back to his apartment, Shepard went back to his normal quiet life. In the aftermath of the Skyllian Blitz, doctors and cleared him medically and physically, but Shepard had not yet requested Morris for a clearance psychologically to return to duty. In the modern era, three years was considered a long time to recover mentally for soldiers to return, but Shepard felt scarred for life. Every night for years, he could not forget that battle or the faces of the colonists he fought alongside. He could not save them, and so he regretted ever enlisting on his birthday.

Opening the door, Shepard walked into his empty two-roomed apartment. He only had the bare necessities. No decorations were in the apartment; he did not want to spend the money he was supposed to have from his bravery. He would rather sent it to the families who had lost loved ones that day. Walking into the main room, Shepard was too busy thinking about the Blitz before realizing someone else was in the apartment. Standing still, Shepard quickly made calculations in his mind before sending a quick lift towards the intruder. The intruder was fast enough in reaction time to dodge the bionic attack, but Shepard had already jumped over his counter for cover. Quickly punching in a code to a secret safe under the sink, Shepard grabbed his military Stiletto I, the only memory military-wise he kept close by. Taking cover behind the counter, Shepard slowly started to peek out.

"Who's there?" he asked slowly, keeping his eyes focused on finding any movement.

"Been too long, Shepard. I hate to cut your extended leave short, but I need you for an N7 mission," a voice all too familiar replied.

Pistol by his side, Shepard rose to his feet. Only one person knew if it was an N7 mission, Shepard would not skip a beat to take it. Captain David Anderson stood by the couch smiling at him. It had been too long.

"What are the specs?" Shepard asked, his interest peaked.

"So far it's a pickup on Eden Prime. I can't go into specifics, but I want you as my XO, Shepard," Anderson replied.

"XO? I didn't know you were granted a ship by the Alliance," Shepard replied, surprised but not by a lot.

"Ship's new projected co-funded by the Council. Supposed to be top of the line tech," Anderson said, peaking Shepard's interest again.

_Co-funded by the Council? This I have to see,_ Shepard thought.

"Anderson, you've got yourself an XO."


End file.
